Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I was talking with some folks today at my local institution of higher learning. The desultory talk kind of roamed around and around until we eventually got to the topic of conspiracies. I forget how we got there. I feel like the reason was relevant to the understanding of my post, but fuck you, the reader. Anyways. Turns out like all of my friends believe in government conspiracies. Not conspiracies like "Facebook is taking your personal information and selling it to the government and advertising agencies." No. As it turns out, my friends, well my acquaintances now. My group of people I ignore when it comes to topics of any importance, believe that there are people in charge of the world. They believe that a group of nearly omniscient people run almost every important government on Earth. They believe that China, America, England, Russia, Kyrgyzstan and all the other countries that manage to influence every person on this rock are all run by some shadowy group of Illuminati or something. Jesus fuck. What about humanity suggests that we could possibly control the world. Bill Clinton could not cover up a dick sucking. Do you know how easy that shit is to keep on the DL? God, I managed to do it with my best friend's girlfriend for months without getting caught. Getting blown that is. I wasn't secretly President of a two-person country. Seriously though, can you imagine what kind of intelligence it would take to run the world? We can't even figure out how to make toilet paper more efficient. We are still literally grabbing a tissue, putting it on our fingers like a glove made of water, and shoving it inside of our assholes. Assholes covered in poop no less. I wish I could plan a conspiracy. I wish I knew anyone who could plan a conspiracy. Hell, if you have any conspiracies, let me in, just so I can say I conspired against someone. By the way, for those of you that believe the CIA has the resources to conspire against you, don't forget Project MKULTRA. Where they believed they could control people's minds by playing the same message over and over again for about 17 hours a day. I dunno about you, but after the 16th hour of hearing "YOU ARE A SLAVE, YOU LIVE TO SERVE THE GOVERNMENT," I think I might pick up on the subtle manipulation. Conspiracy theorists. Awesome.