Wednesday, September 22, 2010

A Purpose

Well, this blog finally has a reasonable purpose.

I'm in school to be a high school English teacher. In the state I'm in, it doesn't require that you have a degree to substitute, and since I've got a high school diploma, I'm basically certified. I love this state. I've met a substitute teacher that is literally retarded. Seriously. She can't function properly. She teaches children. Anyways, I'm a substitute teacher, and I've got some decent experience. Last summer, once college had almost let out, while high school was still in session, I got tapped to do a long term job. Basically, two teachers had walked out on a class within a year and they weren't going to hire a teacher for the final month. It was good experience and it showed me how much I hate kids, how much I hate teaching, how much I hate teachers, and how much shit I can get away with. It was a good year. I got to hang with some cool students, make fun of others, give kids HW I didn't grade. Full-on fuckery. Yeah, teachers really are assholes. Y'know how you get convinced that a teacher hates you and is plotting against you? You're right. I hate you. My goal in life is to make yours miserable.

They called me this morning to do another job. A teacher that they were expecting to leave after Christmas just called and said they weren't going to be able to make it next week, or any time after that. Guess who they called to finish the semester. Fuck yeah, I get a cool 75 bucks a day to deal with the lil fuckers and basically screw around. I've talked to most of my professors and the classes that weren't already in the evening can be worked around. I love being a suckup student.

Anyways, this is going to be a blog about teaching. I'm going to let you in on all my dirty little secrets as a teacher, and to any aspiring teachers, no matter how naive you are when it comes to teaching and this ridiculous ideal of loving every kid and giving every special flower attention, I'll be giving you special tips. I learned the hard way how to fake grade assignments. Took me about two nights of get home, grade, eat, grade, sleep go to school, repeat before I figured that out. Took me about a week before I realized that I could half-ass just about everything. Now I'm going to let you in on the secret, and who knows, maybe the little cocks will be halfway entertaining.

PS I'll be going in for my first day Monday, still gotta smooth out some shit at college and get ready some. You can't literally just go in with no lesson plan. Actually you can. But I'd like to know a little bit about the class I'm teaching. Sun Tzu once said it, and I live by it. "It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles"

TL;DR I am a teacher and I looooove kids.


  1. I would kill if somebody would re-introduce paddling to school.

    Some of those uppity little brats would get something their parents should've given them years ago: a nice, warm glass of "shut the fuck up."

  2. I'm suddenly extremely interested.

  3. Be an awesome teacher who is enthusiastic about the subject you teach and it should be good

  4. You are proof that the system is fucked. Not that I care.