Friday, September 24, 2010

Where are you going, Where have you been?

So, just went in and raided everything, figured out mah surroundings. Here's what my supplies will be. I have one teacher's desk, one computer, one printer (all three shitty), an old TV and VCR, an old overhead projector, a projection screen with one side falling out of the wall, air conditioning (thank fucking god), and about 30 students desks. The room is huge and has basically no decorations or any shit on it. As far as books go, I've got basically nothing but the same shit they always do, which I'll be talking with other teachers about as I go. As I've already mentioned, I'll have six classes and one planning period (right after lunch, super long naptime fuck yes). My classes are like this:

Period 1: Honors (American Lit, 10th graders)
Period 2: Honors
Period 3: CP (dumbass negros who won't give a shit)
Period 4: Honors
Period 5: Nothing at all
Period 6: Honors
Period 7: CP

Now, since I'm trying to give a leel beet o' advice for ye, I'll talk about transitions. First impressions are everything. Particularly since this teacher left these guys outright. They're going to feel abandoned, they're going to feel like they weren't worth whatever trouble they were OR that they are fated to be abandoned, especially since they're adolescents. So what am I going to do? First, I'm going to show them I'm a good guy, how do I do this? Refer to yesterday's post, I've gotta be cool and smart. First thing I'll do is come at them like an asshole. Since I'm younger, I'm going to act like I'm a super butthurt asshole whose only goal is to fuck them over. "My name is Mr. Griswold, I will be your new American Literature teacher, get out your notebooks." Then the first student who says shit, you grab a discipline report paper off your huge pile (which you MUST have to maintain order) and start writing him up. Halfway through just be like "NAW SYKE, WHATCHALL BEEN DOIN THO FORREAL?" or something. Show them you are so punk rawk and rebel. This is why you do the recon beforehand.

Right after you act like a total bro, get em laughing a lil bit, make some jokes (don't target any student yet, they're still a bit worried about you as a person) and then launch into something like "Well where have you guys been? Whatcha been learning? What kind of work has it been? (that last one is very very important, depending on the answer, and how the answer is given, you're going to know whether or not they liked it, probably they won't.) From there, start teasing them with some stuffs. "Oh so you're doing Puritanism? Ya'll study Salem yet? How about 'The Witch Trial at Mount Holly'?" This will be followed by "wat" at which point you can launch into how crazy you are about lit and how much you know. "WHAT? YOU GUYS DUNNO ABOUT THAT? LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT SOME BEN FRANKLIN YO." Etc. Also, if you are doing Brit Lit, LEARN SOME OLD ENGLISH AND READ SOME BEOWULF OR SOMETHING. Nothing shocks kids like hearing a crisp strong HWAET! early in the morning. Get everyone involved in the conversation, start learning names, they'll love the attention. You can do introductions on the first day or not, or just sorta use the day to talk to em. Don't hit em with expectations yet though, you're gonna wanna do that after a few days, make it seem like you're flying by the seat of your pants, like they have some control over their curriculum (they don't, but if they think they do, they're yours).

Finally, for the nigger classes, RELATE RELATE RELATE. "Hey guys, sup whatcha learning, whatcha do for fun, whatchat listen to?" "Aw mistah fuckface, I be lissnen ta dat Drake and shit." "Ah. Drake eh? Well, I prefer me some Bone Thugz but to each his own." "Wat, yall like dem?" "STANDIN ON THE CAHNAH STRAIGHT SLANGIN... yeah, I like em." or whatever. If you don't like rap, learn to. Also, these guys are gonna be the hardest kids to break. You wanna talk about a kid that's been fucked over since birth. You HAVE to relate to them and foster a sense of trust. Find out what they want to do and apply what you're teaching to that. Focus on grammar and whatnot for jobs if they want, don't be afraid of what they can do though. As cliche as it is, let them poetically analyze rap lyrics or w/e (not at first of course).

I'm kind of pressed for time today, gotta get drankin for my very last weekend of freedom, but I'll be sure to cover on this stuff later. Any questions, don't be afraid to comment. Oh, and I was just kidding about that dranking thing. I wouldn't stop just because I'm starting to teach.


  1. Good stuff man, god knows the world needs more teachers who give a shit. I still have fond memories of some absolutely kickass teachers I've had, they really made the classes worth attending

  2. that makes me want to be a teacher. how long ago did you graduate?

  3. Love teachers like you, who give a shit and have an attitude.

  4. ah, missah fuckface, i can see ours yoofs be in fine hands. lawdy yes they be.

  5. As a person who plans to become a teacher, I'm inspired by dudes like you. Makes me look forward to the day when I'll have my own classroom full of kids

  6. Oh wow, this is cool stuff. I'm gonna be shuffling through all your posts. :3

    If you're interested in religion, science and their relation check out Amidst All Human . I bet you would have a lot to say about grammar and the idiomatic matters.