Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Real Actual First Day

So, technically today was the third day, but still it's all basically the same. Gonna talk a little bit about the students in my class and about some stuff that a friend of mine brought up not too long ago.

So! The classes. Right now, my first, second, and third period classes are testing (and will be doing so for the rest of the week), so I don't see them at all, and my other classes are all fucked because of it. I get to see the rest of my classes, but the morning periods are extremely long and the kids are testing in some class or other, so basically once testing is done, the rest of the day is a free day. I don't really want to start off my classes with half of them a week behind, so for now I'm just kind of doing some busy-ish work (that's still fun and stimulating) but not really useful in the grand scheme of things. Incidentally, good ideas for this kind of shit, play games. Kids love them some 7up, particularly if you're playing. Or just make up games. Or just sit and BS, tell them about yourself, let them tell you about them. Remember, these kids have just (possibly) had an awful teacher that, in addition to (possibly) sucking, sold them out and bailed. They don't trust you at all. We talked about me being in college, about what they want to do, about some guitars and music, about linguistics and how I love it, about sports, told a few funny stories, played a few games. Basically we're taking it slow. Might try for a short story or poem analysis tomorrow. I've found out that they are pretty much wrapping up Puritanism (they did some Bradford and Mather). I figure I'll close out with a smidgen of Rowlandson, maybe touch on Bradstreet a bit, and finish it off with "The Crucible." Yes, I know it's not Puritanism, but it gets the kids interested in those ideas, and then we can move right into "The Witch Trial at Mount Holly" (plus when we come into Hawthorne later, they'll thank me for it). Now, about the actual students.

You can sort of tell which class is going to be the best one. There will just be more attentive kids... sadly more white upper-class kids, less niggers, less slutty bitches (make no mistake, just because they DRESS slutty does not make it so), etc. They will be interested, they will come in wanting to learn (at least the majority will). Not all classes will be this way, in fact, most likely, none of them will. I got lucky and I have two later classes that are very much like this (4th and 6th). I haven't really met the others yet, but I can already give a few names that I'm sure will be popping up a lot. Of course, I'm not going to give actual names, but here are the few I've picked out.

Ned. Ned's a good dude, soccer player, but also a bit rowdy, he seems to be the popular leader kid though, so getting his respect is going to get me a long way in winning the rest of the obnoxious popular dudes in the class (and therefore the rest of the class).

Ted. Cohort to Ned, second ring leader. While Ned's got an inner soft-side, this guy seems like a typical jackass. Probably gonna have to gain his respect through Ned.

Katherine. Uglier chick, seems like a super bitch. Hangs out with a group of 'artsy' sort of kids, they always piss me off. They're going to be one of the worst groups, simply because they're so damn clique-y and so anti-authoritarian and crap.

There are several others, but you'll all be nicely acquainted in due time, these are just the major players so far.

Edmund. Smart kid who's been ostracized and then rehabbed into being popular. Kids like him are the fuckerest of all. They know that being smart singles them out and they're going to absolutely try their damnedest to be dumb, even if everyone else is doing fine in the class. I'm gonna have to really work to show him neat stuff and get other kids to look up to him.

Charles. Super popular, funny, seems relatively bright. He's gonna be another big player, seems like a total bro though. I doubt I'll have to work hard to gain him on my side. Good guy to have, methinks.

Finn. Friend of Charles, except a little dopier. Same thing as Ned and Ted. Need to get em both on my side.

Kady. Smart AND cute. Yeah, I said it, imagine that. A high school girl is cute. Most of these girls are hot, and we will be talking about that later. She's pretty bright though, and she damn well knows it. Not a smartass showoff, but she does know her stuff. Well engaged in whatever we happen to be doing. Excellent student.

Kacie. Hot. Stuck up. Smart. Has connections in the school district. The name of the game is "make Kacie happy." What a fun game. She seems like a good kid at heart, but these are the ones that whine about how much you suck and then write a supah sawwy note to you when you find out you've been fired, and she won't even understand why I was fired.

Jesse. Relatively cute (I know I sound like a perv, but these are the students who are popular, so they're more open to just talking about whatever, so they're the ones I'll get to know first), and extremely smart. WAY SUPER FUCKING PERFECTIONIST. She will be fun.

These kids are my morons, I'll love em, I'm sure, but fuckin morons man. Fuckin morons.

Kashyn. Hippie girl, seems relatively intelligent, but she'll be showing up to class high more than once I presume. She seems like a pretty big quitter who likes to flirt with people until she gets what she wants. She's pretty cute to boot, so I'll have to fuck around with her to get her actually engaged.

Trey. Basic nigger, at least so far. I'm sure he's a good dude at heart, and we talked about some rap and whatnot a bit, but he hasn't really opened up yet.

Darren. Trey's cohort. They're both gonna come around at the same time or so. Always fucking around with each other, probably related somehow. Have to play on that some.

Now. Before people start turning me in, remember that I said this was fiction earlier? There's a good reason I said that, because if (HYPOTHETICALLY) this were real, I could get in trouble for telling the truth. Thank god it's not. Now, you male teachers (and females if that's your thing, but I don't hear about it much from my female colleagues), don't get your panties in a bunch if you're digging some girls in your class. That's perfectly natural sweety. You're supposed to want to fuck the shit out of them. There I said it. Now, where do you draw the line? Is some flirting okay? Sure, keep it PG though. Don't EVER cross any line that you wouldn't say to a hot cousin at the Thanksgiving table. Your students will be throwing it back, and you've gotta want to keep them somewhat interested until they start to see that you're more of a trustworthy authority figure, not a good fuck. I know you're walking a dangerous line, but you'll see what I'm getting at later.

Some girls are going to step up the game, don't. Back down. You lose. You wanna know why? God and everybody hates you. You are a pervert fiend as of right now. You know how you combat that? Tell everybody everything. Make teaching friends, have a mentor in the school. Whatever you do or say to students that might be even possibly construed as bad, tell everyone you know. Don't brag about it. When shit hits the fan though, and that super slutty girl you thought you might have just had something with rats you out, you can bring all your teachers to the front. "What? Mr. Soandso? Oh no, he was well aware of the situation, as was I. He made sure to handle it the best he could." Stupid slut goes to jail, etc. Trust me, communication is your friend. Evidence is your friend. You should be building a defense against every single female student you have. Every. Single. One. Take notes of what they say when you can hear em whispering. Any embarrassing thing someone says to get back at a girl, take it down. Share that shit with people you can trust. I was walking past a girl last year, she was standing up and facing away working on a project. My hand brushed her ass slightly (I'm talking not enough to really even notice it). I told at least two people and asked if I should file an informal report. This is a war, particularly in this day and age, and you need to be prepared. Any slutty girls reading this, understand that this is standard practice. We are taught this in school. We are on to your shit.


  1. lol wow this really makes me want to be a teacher. i chose the wrong major

  2. Ned and Ted sound like Benny and Lil Ze from the city of god. dont piss them off

  3. I'm finishing high school currently. This certainly makes me think of my male teachers in a different light. LOL WUT.

    I doubt many actually.. feel this way, though? I guess I'm just naive, but I can't picture my plump, french, 40 year old biology teacher.. just, ohh.. no.